From the early summer of 2019 to end of 2021, maybe I listened “Into the night” million times at my favorite cafe, called “K”, situated at Ueno Ameyoko, Ikebukuro east&west, Shibuya Dougenzaka but listened most at especially I was there in Ichibangai, Kabuki-cho in Shinjuku.
I was attending to there to share the times with angels who had lonely eyes, young ladies ages were almost 40 years younger than me. Confession: I could not stop visiting there to survive anyhow. I was so tired of chasing for old Chinese paintings, traveling thru all over Japan. I was just desperately looking for real one not the fake, 假的不要…I used to shout to somebody, just gimme some truth! Instead of dying, instinctively for the sake of not to think Chinese art anymore, I needed somebody to talk for healing my exhausted, wounded broken heart and head. I spend all my money to do the story for “Into the night”, but it was not enough money to chase the angels by bank deposit. So I was foolishly borrowing money to the limit from every bank or non-bank. I wanted to prepare for the last moment of my life. Appraisal result for Chinese paintings to buy, over 97% of Chinese paintings were fake which I could not buy. This result fact made me disappointed seriously sometimes, it was one of the big reason for I was mentally uncontrollable all the times.
I was eagerly requesting for the strongest sexual pleasure to kill the emotion of the deepest despair in Chinese art. I know this was no good excuse for sex addiction. Gamble addiction, Alcoholic, successfully I had overcome with those addiction in my past years but I could not get away from fatal sickness as sex addiction, compulsive sexual behavior disorder. Once I’ve got “switched on” by accidental sexual appetite, I had to crazily, desperately look for a “temporary partner” to escape from the everything of reality or for calm me down. I was dying to get the best of the “sexual pleasure” to take a breath for not to do suicidal wrong decision. I needed kind of a “strong morphine” not to die. Alcohol addiction has been overcome thanks to my dependence on the University of Tokyo entrance exam. I bet, If sex addiction can be shifted to U-Tokyo entrance exam addiction completely, it should be possible to overcome this sickness. Now I am trying to do so.
I heard of the song again and again with endless despair. I did not know the name of the song. Also I had no interested in who’s singing.
It was because stupidly I needed to concentrate on who’s gonna be the last lover in my life at that times. Consequently I’ve got no love or affection out of somebody age around 20 years old, I should have known that it was simply impossible from the beginning. Only I could satisfied with sharing the moments, intoxicated, melted by beautiful story of those sophisticated angels, found myself to know that I had to go back to Rei Ayanami again, my only and last angel who never ever lied to me. She sometimes appeared, and vanished silently without saying anything as usual. I had done hard-landing to bankruptcy as 4th times of destruction, although I just losing my mind and lost my way completely, I am still alive. I can breath anyhow. But I could not get up anymore.
Godzilla only knows that how far I am going down this time..
Godzilla only knows that how deep I am going down this time..
All through the night, all I wanted was to see lovely angels sleeping face. What has became of those 255 girls right now who once gave me a sweet moments gently. She cheered me up to get up from the bed and patiently suggesting me to do struggling with reality again. Appreciate for what the angels had done a good to me. God bless girls in the “Cafe DESTINY“. Only Godzilla in the central road must have been watching us that actually what we were dancing at LISTO in Kabuki-cho, very moment of “Into the night”.
Keep sparkling forever..
“Angel” gave me an enthusiastic memory on the night.
Do not fade out, please..
Keep fascinating me..till the end.
I would survive with those unforgettable reminiscence.
What’s the angel said to me,
every words are still dancing in my mind endlessly.
I’m going to be out of your sight.
But I hope I’m not going to be out of your mind.